Titus Calvin Tugwell December 20, 2006 - September 19, 2007

Dearest Family and Friends
On Wednesday we received an unexpected phone call telling us of a different kind of homecoming than what we have been praying for Titus. In the early hours of September 19 the caregivers of Foyer de Sion orphanage in Port au Prince Haiti found our son Titus had died in his sleep. They report that on Tuesday Titus had a great day. He had been feeling good, smiling a lot, and had seen the Dr a few days before who was pleased with his 1/2 pound weight gain. The family that runs the orphanage, the caregivers, and our precious friend Dr Rachel Lissade are devastated. We are heartbroken - we had so much hope for our small, but courageous son. We have felt the presence of God intimately these last few days - gently reminding us that all the hope we had for him here is nothing compared to the hope and love he is experiencing right now in Heaven. Of course I think of my sweet Momma holding him and singing over him right now. She always wanted more babies here - I have to think that the things that bring us joy here will be given to us again in Heaven - magnified!

On August 29, 2006 after a most generous gift from a man we've never met, we felt God's call to Haiti and a son who we named Titus (in January, when we knew who Titus was, we decided we had room for 2 boys - and Silas was named at that time). We named Titus for the verses in Titus 1:8-9. Paul is teaching Titus and giving him a task to do on the island of Crete. Titus was ministering on the island and looking for Christian leaders. Paul gave Titus some instructions on qualities to look for in a leader. He must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. Titus 1:8-9 We have been praying these verses for both of our sons and praying that we would have the strength of the Lord to raise them up to be Godly men and lead others to want to know Him. With the heartache that we will not have the opportunity to raise Titus here we are praying about how we could still make his life count and carry on his name to be used by God. As recently as last week I was brainstorming with Noel, my sisters and friends about possible ways to raise support for orphans. It has been our goal to be able to give in the same way we were given for this adoption. Now we are even more motivated to do this in Titus' memory and excited about what God may do for 1 or prayerfully more children uniting them with forever families. Every child deserves a home. I will be bringing you more information about this soon. This would be the greatest gift to us in our mourning, for our friends and families to come alongside us to provide a home for another child.

I am so sad that our family and friends did not have the opportunity to meet Titus. I wanted to share a journal entry I wrote the day we left Haiti. It is a gift to look back at that now and embrace all of who he was to me.

My sweet Titus Calvin July 25,2007

On July 20, 2007 after we had a few first moments with your brother, Silas, you arrived to our hotel in Haiti in a van being held by one of your nannies. We recognized you right away. You are so cute! And little!
You are 7 months old now - still weighing just less than 9 lbs. You are little, but very strong. We took you back to our room and gave you a bottle - Daddy fed you :) You were hungry and seemed to be just fine with us. You are such a sweet boy - love to cuddle, a great eater, smile a lot, and love all the attention we are giving you. You roll over both ways all the time, and raise up on your arms. You aren't very interested in toys - probably haven't had much in your crib, but you will reach for my face. You love kisses - and like to imitate my facial expressions. You make noises when you are happy. I think God allowed you to stay so small so I would know the joy of having a newborn:) You ate every 3 hours or so during the week and I am pretty sure you gained some weight. You liked to sleep across my legs every time we were having a meal at the hotel. You are so cute when you are ready to sleep...you soothe yourself by putting your first finger of your right hand in your mouth and using your first finger of your left hand to wrap around your t shirt and pull it up to your mouth. It is so sweet and you make it easy cueing me when you are getting tired. You are a very good baby - easy going.
I am crazy about you - you are my precious youngest child. Daddy loves you so much too. He says you are wirey and very strong and have high arches in your feet - a world class sprinter???
Here are some character qualities we notice in you already:
Strong and courageous
Joyful
Loving
Peaceful
Pensive - a thinker

Later - after we had been home a few days I finished my thoughts....
You are in our hearts every single minute. I think about you all the time and constantly pray for God to help you grow and thrive. Also praying you can come home soon - for your !st birthday 12/20/2007 or exactly when God wants you to. He is teaching me so much about trusting Him for your precious life. We love you Titus.
xoxoxo,
Mommy (for Daddy too)

The week we spent in Haiti was one of the best weeks of my whole life. I remember getting up in the night with Titus and having an overwhelming sense of thankfulness that I got to get up with him. I guess maybe in my heart on some level I knew I would only take care of him for that time - on the other hand I really did think he was so strong and I have prayed so much for him.....when we left the O that day I really thought - "see you next time Titus." God has taught me so much about trusting him for these boys' lives these last few months...now he is teaching me that even though He doesn't answer my prayers the way I thought he would - He is still God and still has a plan for our family. This is where my mind will rest. It is my choice...I firmly believe we have choices to make every day - and I can choose to let this tragedy consume me and become bitter and depressed or I can choose to let Titus' life live on through me - making the most of the opportunity to tell others about him and other orphans in the world who need loving homes. I know God will make everything beautiful in His time - and bring so much good out of this.

Noel and I want to thank all of you who have prayed for us and the boys for the last year. Our journey is not over...Silas is doing well. He is a happy boy and the children seem to do quite a bit better when past the infancy stage. Please continue to pray for God to show favor to the adoption process in Haiti and for all the children that have loving homes to be able to come home soon.

As I have written this from 6-8 this morning - I am sitting at my desk - at my back the sun has been rising through the window which reminds me of a verse I have marked with the dates we found out who all of our children were...October 2, 2003 for Lily and January 22, 2007 for Silas and Titus.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:22-24

Because of Jesus I can face the day! AMEN!
We love you friends - thank you for standing with us in this life.

lori
for all of us - Noel, lily, Silas and Titus too - may he live on through us



*** Please share this with anyone - someone who can make a difference for orphans around the world, someone who is interested in adoption, anyone! AND - if Titus has made a difference in your life - let us know - I am putting together a memory book for our family. Thank you!

tuglor@centurytel.net
Tugwell family
300 Meadow Brook Cr
Siloam Springs, AR 72761
479.238.8955