Another day

Somedays I am ok with all this waiting....this is not one of them. When I stop writing - writing has become part of my life - when I stop it is because it is too hard, too many feelings, too quick that the tears will fall. Most days I can't let that happen - I have too much to consider, too many blessings right in front of me - I am living today and praying and hoping for a better tomorrow - one that includes each child of mine tucked in their beds. As evening falls each night and I tuck Silas into bed and he prays for Louis and looks up at me and says "Mom - we miss him" - yes Silas we do. "My brother coming soon?" Yes Silas, we hope so. I see the empty bed in Silas' room with "Louis" on the pillow that should have him lying down waiting on me to sit next to him on the bed - the way he longed for when we were together the last time - IT HURTS. God how long??? HOW LONG JESUS??? What is it - if there is something please show me....I know God - You are Sovereign, You are JUST, You see the whole world - and so much happens that I cannot imagine. BUT - in my world - I just miss my son. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months and it has been over 2 years since we told him we would be his family. I want him home - for him, and for us.
God be with him - bring him home soon. Move mountains! I know you can.
12 years ago Noel and I had been married a year and a half - we thought becoming pregnant and having babies would just happen - we wanted 3 or 4. It didn't happen that way - and we thank God for that - now. But something did happen in those years of heartache - Louis was born. He is the son my heart always knew. Growing up in a world so different than mine, but we are really all the same. He needs a Mom - I need a son. This is our family.
OH my Jesus - thank you for seeing each tear and caring deeply about all the reasons they come. Thank you for loving Louis even more than I do.
I choose to trust you.
I feel better now -
God - right now please sit next to Louis on his bed and let his heart know how much he is loved.